


Misfits and Lovers

by FiKate



Category: X-Men: First Class (2011) - Fandom
Genre: Backstory, Bisexual Character, Bisexuality, Community: queer_fest, Gen, Prompt Fic, References to Homophobia, Siblings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-26
Updated: 2013-05-26
Packaged: 2017-12-13 00:22:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,503
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/817766
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FiKate/pseuds/FiKate
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for Queer Fest 2013 and the prompt: X-Men: First Class, Charles Xavier(/Erik Lehnsherr), Erik is the first person Charles has ever been completely honest with. Though Raven may have known about his telepathy, she didn't know he was queer.</p>
<p>Told from Charles and Raven's points of view as they navigate this new aspect of their relationship. Sexual tension between Charles and Erik is present but not acted upon. References to period fears of being queer in the 1950s and 1960s.</p>
<p>Title from The Wallflowers' song <a href="http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/wallflowers/misfitsandlovers.html">Misfits and Lovers.</a></p>
            </blockquote>





	Misfits and Lovers

There were changing rooms with wooden lockers, quite elegant but Dennis didn’t really care. When class ended and they were all hanging out on the couch tucked in the back of the library, he would strip off his shirt and undershirt to put on his t-shirt for practice. One day Charles was on the couch’s armrest and got the best view of him, he lost the train of Tim’s joke and Alfred waved a hand in front of his face, “What’s wrong with you, Xavier, dreaming of Janet or worrying about the test?”

He hit Alfred’s hand away and managed to smile, putting all those betraying thoughts of Dennis’ skin and how strong he looked away with his nightmares and thoughts that weren’t for anyone else, “Bugger off.”

“Ooh a reaction and an English curse, thanks for that. I feel honored. You going to tell your sister that she should dance with me?”

The other boys laughed as Charles did what he was expected to do and wrestled with Alfred.

When he got home, he took the coldest bath he could and spent the rest of the evening translating Latin to keep from thinking those thoughts. They were dangerous and would get him in worse trouble than being thought mad, he’d get the wrong sort of reputation. He couldn’t be a scientist if he was discredited for being homosexual though he didn’t think he was since he had the same lustful thoughts about girls. No one was going to be him an institution for any reason.

Raven knocked at his door and then opened it looking happy, “I got us an invitation to the house party that your supposed friend Dennis is holding. You were meant to ask him today.”

“I was? No, I did but then Alf was being an ass and I forgot.”

“Alf’s always an ass, but I have the invite and you need to stop mooning over Emily and ask her to dance.”

“I’m not mooning,” He sighed and looked down at his Latin, he knew if he was mooning over anyone it was Dennis. This was just lust or something, he couldn’t trust it, it was too risky.

Raven’s sigh got his attention as she looked at him, “Of course you’re not. Well, you’re being boring and I’m not.”

After she left, Charles laid back down on the bed, he’d have to figure out how to hide this since he couldn’t risk being seen through. Over the next few months, he tucked away every betraying sensation and dream in a room in his mind that he would only open late at night. He knew Raven must have figured it out since she could always tell when he was hiding anything though he didn’t know why she didn’t talk to him. She probably knew as he did that it was safer that way, they didn’t have to talk about everything though sometimes he wished they did. That was what brothers and sisters did, but she didn’t want him in her head and anything she told him was important and everyone needed their secrets. She’d probably mention it when it made the most sense, she knew how to make all the politics of the school do what she wanted. He was getting better at it but thoughts and actions never seemed to match up and he’d gotten beaten up enough times for saying the wrong things. It was better if she was in charge of that end of things and told him what to wear as he took care of all the more academic parts of their lives and kept them safe from bigger dangers.

******

His head hurt, after Erik had made some adjustments, Cerebro hurt less but he still ended every session wanting to close out the world. Today he waved away Raven, she and Hank clearly wanted time together and he could walk to his room on his own. He did his best to smooth the pain from his face but Erik was beside him with a steady wave of worry and annoyance coming from him. In the most reassuring voice he could manage he said, “I can walk.”

“Yes, I can see that, which is why you’re not looking where you’re going,” Erik spoke with his customary weariness but Charles could feel the concern underlying it and was grateful for it and glanced over with a tired smile.

“Am I allowed to lean on you?” He had been inside Erik’s head but didn’t feel truly close to him as that was always complicated and more so with Erik since Charles knew that he wanted to know as much of Erik as he could. Yet that had always been a difficult dance to discover other men, the right signals to match the thoughts and the safe moments and Erik was Erik. His experiences made him truly himself and Charles wanted the intimacy of a mental and physical connection but felt unsure of how to proceed for fear of breaking the moments that held like this one. When there wasn’t an answer, he didn’t close that small distance between their shoulders.

Erik stayed by his side and soon they were at the door of his room, where he didn’t turn on the light but walked in and sat down on the bed to rest and gather his concentration and shields. When Erik followed him in and pulled the chair from his desk to face him, it was a nice surprise as was the gentleness in his voice, “How much does it truly hurt, Charles?”

“Its better than it was, but its work to find them, be with them long enough to trace them, but we’re not alone.”

There was silence, it was more comfortable than it had been earlier but still there was tension, he wasn’t pushing deeper as his head hurt too much. Instead he leaned down to untie his shoes as Erik watched him, then there was a click as Erik turned on the bedside lamp, “I hope that won’t bother you.”

“No, its fine,” He considered opening his shields more, Erik was a confusing mess of signals as he had a clear goal and no wish for more but then he would stay longer. Charles knew he could be projecting his own desires onto Erik, where they had no reason to exist. He was an ally for Erik, anything else he might have felt were simply hints. There had been enough times in his life where he looked for an answering want where there wasn’t one and he can’t risk that with Erik.

He was so deep in thinking that when Erik ran his hand across his cheek before gripping his hair that Charles gasped as found his head tilted back, “Oh no, not that. If you get lost in your head, I can’t go after you. What were you wondering about this time, Charles?”

Erik’s eyes were hard to see in the light as he tried to meet his gaze and not focus too much on the sensations of his grip and how it wouldn’t take much to kiss him, “You.”

“Me, I thought you knew everything about me. Isn’t that the point of telepathy? To give you headaches as you discover all of our secrets.”

“I don’t go looking for secrets.”

Erik leaned closer, his grip shifting to bring Charles’ face nearer to his, “No, but you hide them away. What do you want from me?”

“Whatever you will give me,” He could feel Erik’s surprise and perhaps some desire, but then Erik chuckled and Charles was aware of how close his mouth was.

“You never want small, no, make the world safe for mutants, know all of me. Its nice to know that you can be so selfish,” Erik tapped his lips before leaning back, taking his hand away and Charles bit back a sigh as that wasn’t fair. “Now you should rest and I’ll consider.”

He opened his mouth to respond but there was a click as Erik turned off the light and then shut the door behind him. That was frustrating and unhelpful.

******

Raven was bored, she missed her waitressing job, which she never thought would happen. At least there was variety at Jack’s Place, what bad pick-up lines would she hear, how often would someone who knew Charles show up and always how hard would she have to focus to not shift? Now she seemed to be waiting on other people, it hadn’t been this bad in Oxford. Yes, Charles worked far too much, but he also told her where he worked so she could stop him from working. He knew people too, who sometimes were interesting and even cute, not her type most of the time but they filled the time.

She knew Hank was thinking about her from how he watched her but he was almost worse than Charles for getting lost in his work and she wanted him to succeed at his idea of making them both look normal. Charles had Cerebro though she could see it tiring him out and taking more from him than it should. At least Hank and Erik were working on that though Erik didn’t seem to do that much other than glare at everything. She had seen him move metal about but mainly all he did was question and counter everything. Her cereal was getting soggy when Charles came through the kitchen door and started for the coffee maker. “Your hair looks messy and there’s no tea,” She called out to him, he wasn’t usually this late in the morning.

“I love you too, Raven,” He smiled as he said it and got coffee before coming to sit beside her and kissed her cheek.

“You slept late, which you never do. Were you up to something?”

“What would I be up to?” As he drank his coffee, he made a face though perhaps that was at the question, she knew how to read him, he was just looking more thoughtful this morning. Though he always looked like he was thinking something, women loved that about him. He was the perfect boyfriend who would know your needs before you did as well as being kind.

She eyed him across her bowl, “I don’t know but I’ll figure it out. This is more than just a working look. That one’s easy or a how do I work look? This one’s new.”

“The challenges we’re facing are new and unexpected.”

At that she glared at him and tossed a piece of cereal his way, “Thank you, professor for that lesson in the obvious.”

He sighed and sipped his coffee while neatening his hair, she’d never seen him preoccupied in this way as if he was afraid to act. Normally he would think too much before doing something but he always did it. As she was watching him and debating getting more coffee Erik and Moira came down the stairs, Charles brightened and she thought that he glanced at Erik first. She hadn’t expected that and watched to see what would happen, he greeted them both with a smile but there was this odd intensity with him and Erik. Though that wasn’t new, they had concentrated on each other since Erik arrived, which she had never seen the point of. Yes, Erik knew some stuff about other mutants and his metal moving ability was useful but he wasn’t that interesting though he was sort of sexy in an angry way. Charles laughed, his nervous one when he wasn’t sure of a situation as Erik asked him, “Did you sleep well?”

“Oh yes, after an afternoon in Cerebro I slept deeply.”

“Good, is that fresh coffee?”

“Fairly fresh,” Then Charles shifted his attention to Moira as he turned to the coffee machine not wishing to ignore her. Raven looked away then though that look of Charles’ plus the laugh, he used to do something like that in high school when he was around a girl he liked, but then it was even worse and he would blather on about stupid stuff that no one cared about. It was obvious he liked Moira but Moira liked him, it wasn’t as if he had to worry about her and Erik was a man. As she finished her cereal, she kept watching and when he looked over, yawned and waved him away, he always respected her being tired.

Erik purposefully bumped into him as he was refilling his coffee, testing, but he tested all of them but usually not with that nice of a smirk. For a moment it almost seemed like Charles blushed which she hadn’t seen in years. This was too strange, he was Charles who was smart but sort of stodgy though not disapproving if she mentioned something she’d tried with a boyfriend. He would roll his eyes and go back into a book, because that was where he fit. Yes, he flirted and went out with girls but that was only for fun as much as he had it.

When she got up to wash out her bowl, she got next to him and said, “There are things you’re not telling me, brother dear.”

The surprise in his eyes was beautiful, “I’m not? I didn’t want to bore you.”

“Pour me some coffee and we’re going to talk.”

He gulped down the last of his coffee and filled up her mug and his own before she headed outside towards Cerebro, it was quieter out there, “Can anyone hear us?”

“No, Raven, what’s wrong?”

“What do you want with Erik?”

His eyes went wide in an interesting combination of surprise and it almost looked like relief, “Oh, he’s a wonderful ally and friend. I want to know him better.”

She sipped her coffee and watched him, that was too easy and maybe he did like Erik _that way_ , “Not what I meant. Do you have a crush on him?”

“Raven, a crush, I haven’t thought of that phrase in years.”

“Dodging the question, but not lying. You’re hiding something. What’s so hard about this? I know you think he’s almost as interesting as Cerebro, I just want to know if there’s more.”

“Why do you think there’s more?” One of his eyebrows went a little up as if he was preparing a lecture in his head.

“Stop stalling. The way you look at him. I don’t remember the last time I saw you looking interested and confused like that. I didn’t know you looked at guys that way.”

Charles didn’t know what to say, which was new, she could see him testing words in his mind, “Hey, its okay if you do. I just didn’t know, which I should have since I’m your sister.”

“It won’t change anything?”

She met his eyes, he was worried but then she had told him to never read her mind. This was something he’d held onto for all these years, that he liked men too, because he was scared. It was odd to think of him as scared, he was the one who knew how to make them both safe and hidden from the world and how to change the world. Not that he always got it, but he tried and he was safe. She leaned against him, listening to his heartbeat which was going too fast and hugged him, “That’s a stupid question from you. Everything changes but this one works. I still think he’s paranoid but he’s handsome. You have good taste.”

Then she felt his light laugh, the one he did when he didn’t know how serious she was but his heart was slowing down, “Thank you. Well, I did pick you as a sister.”

“Exactly.”

In the afternoon when everyone else was dealing with Cerebro, she sat in the lounge with a magazine. She didn’t want to see Charles disappear into his head, he was too much in Cerebro when his gaze was far away and he was more of who he truly was. He was never just himself but some of everyone and he might focus on people, but what he saw was beyond her.

Under her hand, there was a dress in a vibrant purple and she shifted to match it, blending in. He could hide how comfortable he felt in other people’s thoughts while she had to use what she was to hide herself, it wasn’t fair. Yet he had been hiding his feelings for men for all these years, it was strange to think he might have been admiring some of the same boys she had when they were younger. He should have told her, it wasn’t that odd, she’d kissed a few girls and liked it but then she never cared as much about fitting in. But this was her, he could never not fit in with her. He made her fit in, all of them fit in. Hank relaxed around him and even Erik loosened up, that was what Charles did. People liked themselves better around him, so he shouldn’t have felt worried about her not liking any part of him. She tapped her fingers against the magazine, letting them shift to their true color as she looked towards where she knew Cerebro was. When they came back out, she would talk to him again.

******

After talking with Raven, Cerebro was almost a meditation, he could lose himself in the concentration required to find other mutants and push away his worries about her thoughts on him and Erik. He hadn’t meant to hide how he felt from her, he had always thought she’d known but didn’t mention it because liking men was just as dangerous as their mutation. In some ways, it could be even worse as it would allow anyone a perfect way to discredit him and he hadn’t acted on his desires that often. A few experiments in Oxford where he knew he was safe but otherwise nothing.

Even now he didn’t know what would come of his confession to Erik, because Erik had such a wall around him and didn’t wish anyone inside. By the time the session ended, he didn’t have much of a headache though he was tired and walked slowly back towards the main building in the deepening dusk. Erik didn’t offer anything to him but was close and at the door, Raven was waiting for them all with an intent look on her face, “There you are. I was waiting for you. Sorry, but I’m borrowing my brother.”

Erik gave one of his enigmatic smiles as he looked over to Hank who fidgeted, “I have no claim on him. Do you?”

“Me, no, I need to write up my notes,” Hank smiled at Raven who returned it but she was focused on Charles and started off towards her room.

Charles followed behind, trying to not let his tiredness show through until she sat him down and put a glass of Scotch in his hands after shutting the door, “There, drink that, you need it. I hate what that machine does to you, but not the point. Did you really think I would care so much that you couldn’t tell me?”

He took a sip of the Scotch, she must have found the bottle in his room and forced himself to relax, this was Raven, “No, I thought you knew for the longest time and just didn’t think it worth mentioning. We never talked about the girls you liked unless you brought it up. I didn’t know how to bring it up.”

He could feel her watching him though he had no idea of her thoughts and looked down into his drink, watching as the ice bumped together.

When she answered, he could hear her taking time with her words, “I think for someone as smart as you are, you’re an idiot, but I forgive you. Don’t do it again. You love all of me and have been telling me that since we were little and you’ve been worrying about me and us and being safe and everyone else. I don’t know how you stand it. This time its my turn to say, like him, want to jump him just be proud about it.”

Her phrasing was very her and he felt some of his tension ease as he looked at her and her smirk, “I will.”

She laughed and kissed his cheek with another small sigh, “Take your drink and go read up on something scholarly, I’m going to find Hank. If I see Erik, I’ll tell him you’re not as tired tonight.”

Before he could answer, she was out the door with a grin as he sipped his drink. He hadn’t expected it to be that easy but she knew him better than anyone else so perhaps he shouldn’t be surprised. She would always be a mystery to him, with her shifting moods and faces, how she seemed to connect lightly to the world yet kept finding her way back to him.


End file.
